Episode
19

Waking Up Alone

Andrew #19
Published on
Jun 11, 2020
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In this episode...

This week, Doug and Meredith ‘monkee’ around a bit and reference a handful of classic movies from their youth - showing how old and adorbs they are! In the session, Doug and Drew continue to process the breakup and move through different stages of grief and loss. Drew starts to reconnect with his friends for support. In the breakdown, Doug and Meredith remind us that we’re human, and need to have compassion for ourselves. They look at perspective shifts that we often go through in relationships when some parts feel good and some parts don’t.

Hosts

Doug Friedman

Doug Friedman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker that has spent nearly 20 years working with adults, adolescents and families with issues ranging from depression and anxiety to substance abuse, bipolar disorder and PTSD. He has supervised a program at a community mental health agency that serves severely emotionally disturbed youth and their families in Los Angeles. He continues to provide clinical supervision to therapists and associates in his private group practice, Clear Mind Full Heart in Los Angeles.

Doug received a Masters in Social Work from The Catholic University of America and a BA in Study of Religion from UCLA. Before becoming a psychotherapist, Doug worked for a music management company that oversaw bands like Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Beastie Boys, and Bonnie Raitt. Doug is also the artist and songwriter behind all the music heard on the podcast.

Meredith Levy

Meredith Levy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of California and holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. Over the last ten years she has worked with many different populations, and feels most at home working in addiction, personality disorders and mood disorders. Meredith specializes in Dialectical
Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Meredith worked with inner-city youth as a bi-lingual therapist for the Department of Mental Health in Los Angeles County. Not only has Meredith worked at a variety of different drug and alcohol treatment centers throughout California, she was also the co- founder of a large treatment facility in Northern California.

Meredith's extensive education and background as an attorney and an MBA gives her a unique perspective and a fresh approach to elevating personal growth. In addition, she is a certified yoga instructor and believes that the spiritual, physical and emotional aspects of the self are important components of the therapeutic process.

Key Takeaways

[0:23] Doug and Meredith ‘monkee’ around and pull some movie references from their childhood - showing how old AND adorbs they are!

[10:06] Session begins

[10:17] Drew is having some anxiety as he processes the breakup with his girlfriend. Although the anger has lessened, he acknowledges moving back and forth between stages of grief.

[12:39] Drew looks back at the relationship and realizes that he ignored some red flags in the beginning. He acknowledges that he lost some of his self-confidence and spent a lot of energy and time trying to change her. Doug talks about the concept of radical acceptance.

[16:02] Drew can see how he was treated like shit about 90% of the time, and he found comfort in the 10% that of the time when she treated him great. 

[17:15] Drew is seeing the breakup as a form of God pulling him out of a bad situation. He acknowledges that he lost touch with his faith while in the relationship, and now sees the breakup as a way to get back in touch with the things that matter to him.

[18:37] Finding comfort and support with our friends helps us heal, and helps us feel real. Using our defense mechanisms protects us.

[24:17] Drew says he did himself dirty by not trusting himself enough to walk away from a bad situation and relationship, and not listening to signs and feelings in his gut.

[27:30] Doug and Drew explore feeling strong enough with your self to be on your own. From that place, you can figure out where your core strengths really come from. 

[30:33] Doug helps Drew find a way to have compassion for himself and humanizing his experience of the relationship. 

[35:41] Doug explains how giving yourself a moment can be the difference between a reaction and a response. Drew feels the strength of choice in this.

[36:50] Session ends. Breakdown begins

[37:23] When you’re going through something, you can reach out to your support system and you can ask your therapist for more sessions or a phone check in for that time period.

[39:35] Doug and Meredith break down the perspective shifts (and percentage  splits) that we go through when parts feel good and parts don’t.

[44:02] Meredith loves that Doug brought up radical acceptance! Yay DBT!!! They explore it further here.

[51:01] Remember to have compassion for yourself, we’re only human.

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