My Dad is a Combo of Rambo and Adam Sandler

Drew #11
Published on
Apr 16, 2020
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In this episode...

This week, Doug and Meredith talk about how the “thing” itself is usually not that bad, it’s the lead up to it that creates fear and anxiety. They highlight this with a story of Doug trying not to get wet on a hike then slipping on a log and splashing into a stream; and Meredith going to the dentist. Andrew has some issues of abandonment triggered by his current relationship, creating uncertainty and anxiety for him. Andrew explores what it means to have a sense of self-worth inside a relationship. Doug and Meredith dive deeper using The Missing Piece as a relationship guide and explaining differences between setting rules for others and having boundaries for yourself.


Kenzie Jenest
Bonnie Rae

Bonnie is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles. She is an instructor for graduate students in the LGBT Specialization Psychology program at Antioch University. Although her specialty is working with the LGBTQ community and people in the entertainment industry, she also assists clients in managing and/or overcoming anxiety, depression, trauma, stress, painful relationship patterns, creative blocks, co-dependency, love and sex addiction, issues with intimacy and low self-esteem.

Bonnie received a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree from Emerson College and a Masters in Clinical Psychology degree from Antioch University with a specialization in LGBT psychology.

Doug Friedman

Doug Friedman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker that has spent nearly 20 years working with adults, adolescents and families with issues ranging from depression and anxiety to substance abuse, bipolar disorder and PTSD. He has supervised a program at a community mental health agency that serves severely emotionally disturbed youth and their families in Los Angeles. He continues to provide clinical supervision to therapists and associates in his private group practice, Clear Mind Full Heart in Los Angeles.

Doug received a Masters in Social Work from The Catholic University of America and a BA in Study of Religion from UCLA. Before becoming a psychotherapist, Doug worked for a music management company that oversaw bands like Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Beastie Boys, and Bonnie Raitt. Doug is also the artist and songwriter behind all the music heard on the podcast.

Meredith Levy

Meredith Levy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of California and holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. Over the last ten years she has worked with many different populations, and feels most at home working in addiction, personality disorders and mood disorders. Meredith specializes in Dialectical
Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Meredith worked with inner-city youth as a bi-lingual therapist for the Department of Mental Health in Los Angeles County. Not only has Meredith worked at a variety of different drug and alcohol treatment centers throughout California, she was also the co- founder of a large treatment facility in Northern California.

Meredith's extensive education and background as an attorney and an MBA gives her a unique perspective and a fresh approach to elevating personal growth. In addition, she is a certified yoga instructor and believes that the spiritual, physical and emotional aspects of the self are important components of the therapeutic process.

Key Takeaways

[4:18] Doug and Meredith talk about how the thing itself is usually not that bad, it’s the lead up to it that creates fear, worry, and anxiety – especially after Doug slipped off a log on a trail and splashed into a stream.

[9:48] Session begins. 

[11:00] Andrew talks about going into job interviews and practicing showing the real side of himself; he will have more confidence going into a situation because he knows he can handle whatever comes at him, like the Green Beret analogy. 

[12:18] Andrew says he has created his own worries about bringing his girlfriend to his hometown to spend time with his parents.

[14:43] Doug and Andrew look at how each person in a scenario has their own “movie” and filter for what is happening. They break down how Drew, his mom, and his girlfriend each had three different movies when they first met, and therefore three different perspectives.

[18:10] Andrew knows he can depend on his dad whenever things go wrong at home, and describes him as Rambo crossed with Adam Sandler. He still worries about bringing his girlfriend up in the mix. 

[20:10] Andrew realizes his concerns are about his girlfriend and him going on a trip, rather than about his parents possibly being judgmental.  He realizes he can allow them to be in their own movie and he can stop trying to direct it himself. Doug encourages him not to work too hard to control everything. 

[24:10] Andrew shows how he’s been thinking of applying last week’s lessons and having the Big Drew voice talk to the Little Drew voice to help ease his stress and worry about preparing for the worst. Doug reminds him that has been his defense mechanism in the past to try and make things okay or to feel safe. 

 [27:50] Doug uses an analogy to explain the difference between giving people rules versus having boundaries for yourself. Andrew applies it in real time to a situation with his girlfriend.

[34:32] Doug and Drew use some cognitive behavioral tools to break down the big words and thoughts that trigger big emotions and make him feel trapped, out of control, and uncertain.

[39:40] Drew takes a look at his situation with his girlfriend with a fresh sense, using his own perspective rather than being skewed by others’ perspectives and feeding his own insecurities.

[43:32] Session ends. Breakdown begins.

[45:22] Doug breaks down the idea of false hope and how it’s still about being in the present to feel the hope.

[47:40] Meredith loves the analogy that Doug uses where everyone is a lead actor in their own movie, and that there is a difference between being the actor and the director who is trying to control everything. 

[52:20] Meredith and Doug talk about how we often share the hard parts of our relationships with others, not the good the things so there’s an impression that leaves and shapes some perspectives on it.

[61:10] Meredith breaks down the “rules vs. boundaries” analogy and they explore how this applies to our real lives. You can’t control whether or not someone will break the rules, but you can set your boundaries and stick to the consequences.

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