Mr. Wilson Eats Apples?!

Drew #20
Published on
Jun 18, 2020
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In this episode...

This week, Meredith retreats to Lake Tahoe and Doug is entertaining his dog at home. In the session, Drew moves around different stages of grief and loss after his breakup. He acknowledges there’s baggage he’s been carrying with him that pre-dates his ex-girlfriend. He is feeling fragile and raw, and starting to look at the freedom that this stage is offering him. In the breakdown, Doug and Mer talk about the dual role of a therapist in the office and a person walking around in the world. They explain concepts of emotional dysregulation, a disproportionate response, and incongruent reactions.


Kenzie Jenest
Bonnie Rae

Bonnie is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles. She is an instructor for graduate students in the LGBT Specialization Psychology program at Antioch University. Although her specialty is working with the LGBTQ community and people in the entertainment industry, she also assists clients in managing and/or overcoming anxiety, depression, trauma, stress, painful relationship patterns, creative blocks, co-dependency, love and sex addiction, issues with intimacy and low self-esteem.

Bonnie received a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree from Emerson College and a Masters in Clinical Psychology degree from Antioch University with a specialization in LGBT psychology.

Doug Friedman

Doug Friedman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker that has spent nearly 20 years working with adults, adolescents and families with issues ranging from depression and anxiety to substance abuse, bipolar disorder and PTSD. He has supervised a program at a community mental health agency that serves severely emotionally disturbed youth and their families in Los Angeles. He continues to provide clinical supervision to therapists and associates in his private group practice, Clear Mind Full Heart in Los Angeles.

Doug received a Masters in Social Work from The Catholic University of America and a BA in Study of Religion from UCLA. Before becoming a psychotherapist, Doug worked for a music management company that oversaw bands like Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Beastie Boys, and Bonnie Raitt. Doug is also the artist and songwriter behind all the music heard on the podcast.

Meredith Levy

Meredith Levy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of California and holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. Over the last ten years she has worked with many different populations, and feels most at home working in addiction, personality disorders and mood disorders. Meredith specializes in Dialectical
Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Meredith worked with inner-city youth as a bi-lingual therapist for the Department of Mental Health in Los Angeles County. Not only has Meredith worked at a variety of different drug and alcohol treatment centers throughout California, she was also the co- founder of a large treatment facility in Northern California.

Meredith's extensive education and background as an attorney and an MBA gives her a unique perspective and a fresh approach to elevating personal growth. In addition, she is a certified yoga instructor and believes that the spiritual, physical and emotional aspects of the self are important components of the therapeutic process.

Key Takeaways

[0:23] Doug and Meredith connect while she’s in Lake Tahoe and Doug is still at home in LA.

[4:34] Session begins

[4:47] Drew is struggling with jealousy that he and his ex-girlfriend are in different stages of grief and loss. This is clear to him after picking up the last of his stuff from her place.

[6:57] Drew is feeling fragile and raw, and beginning to look at the freedom that this stage of his life is offering him.

[8:49] Doug helps Drew shift his perspective on the breakup from ‘who is she with now and how is she going to be,’ to ‘who does he want to be with and how is he going to be.’

[10:34] Doug and Drew look at the idea of carrying baggage around with you. They use analogy to show how you can unload, sift through, and repack the baggage that you choose to carry around.

[16:54] Drew sees how he has different roles with his outer circle of friends than with his inner circle where he can be more vulnerable.  

[19:03] After talking with his mom about his nature, Drew reflects and asks himself if he needs to be codependent with somebody or if he just needs to love somebody. 

[24:02] When we’re healing and licking our wounds, sometimes we just want our mommy.

[25:54] Doug and Drew acknowledge that even though we are building ourselves up and feeling stronger, sometimes we don’t feel ok. The strength doesn’t come from telling yourself what is true, it comes from being able to walk through the actual emotions that you’re feeling. 

[29:26] Drew realizes that when he feels sad, it’s disproportionate to just her. He recognizes it’s an accumulation of sadness in his life that he’s been carrying around and not letting himself feel for a long time. That’s the nature of what a trigger can bring up.

[35:30] Session ends. Breakdown begins

[36:20] Meredith picks up on the projections that came up in the session about the girlfriend’s process - which we can’t really know.

[40:45] Meredith and Doug use examples to dive into and explain concepts of disproportionate responses, incongruent reactions, and emotional dysregulation. 

[49:30] They look at the analogy of carrying around baggage and dumping out the suitcase to see what it is and where it came from in our lives.

[51:40] Doug and Mer talk about the dual role of a therapist in the office and a person walking around in the world. Similar to how a kid has their mind blown when seeing a teacher from school out buying apples in a supermarket.

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