F.I.N.E.* F#cked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional

Drew #23
Published on
Jul 9, 2020
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In this episode...

This week, Doug showered with his dog and Meredith shared her excitement about tennis lessons, her bird feeder, and getting ready to watch The Matrix. In the session, Drew feels excitement about the unknown in front of him as well as some unsettled feelings. He’s been rediscovering himself and spending quality time with his friends. In the breakdown, Doug and Meredith talk about grading ourselves in terms of Pass–Fail not a letter grade, how being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and how there’s confidence in being authentic in our awkwardness.


Kenzie Jenest
Bonnie Rae

Bonnie is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles. She is an instructor for graduate students in the LGBT Specialization Psychology program at Antioch University. Although her specialty is working with the LGBTQ community and people in the entertainment industry, she also assists clients in managing and/or overcoming anxiety, depression, trauma, stress, painful relationship patterns, creative blocks, co-dependency, love and sex addiction, issues with intimacy and low self-esteem.

Bonnie received a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree from Emerson College and a Masters in Clinical Psychology degree from Antioch University with a specialization in LGBT psychology.

Doug Friedman

Doug Friedman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker that has spent nearly 20 years working with adults, adolescents and families with issues ranging from depression and anxiety to substance abuse, bipolar disorder and PTSD. He has supervised a program at a community mental health agency that serves severely emotionally disturbed youth and their families in Los Angeles. He continues to provide clinical supervision to therapists and associates in his private group practice, Clear Mind Full Heart in Los Angeles.

Doug received a Masters in Social Work from The Catholic University of America and a BA in Study of Religion from UCLA. Before becoming a psychotherapist, Doug worked for a music management company that oversaw bands like Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Beastie Boys, and Bonnie Raitt. Doug is also the artist and songwriter behind all the music heard on the podcast.

Meredith Levy

Meredith Levy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of California and holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. Over the last ten years she has worked with many different populations, and feels most at home working in addiction, personality disorders and mood disorders. Meredith specializes in Dialectical
Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Meredith worked with inner-city youth as a bi-lingual therapist for the Department of Mental Health in Los Angeles County. Not only has Meredith worked at a variety of different drug and alcohol treatment centers throughout California, she was also the co- founder of a large treatment facility in Northern California.

Meredith's extensive education and background as an attorney and an MBA gives her a unique perspective and a fresh approach to elevating personal growth. In addition, she is a certified yoga instructor and believes that the spiritual, physical and emotional aspects of the self are important components of the therapeutic process.

Key Takeaways

[0:10] Doug is extra clean after taking an unplanned, hour long shower with his dog after their morning hike.

[2:15] Meredith shares her excitement this week about tennis lessons, her bird feeder, and getting ready to watch The Matrix.

[6:30] Session begins

[7:03] Drew moved into a new place and is living on his own. A lot of things feel new and different, whereas previously he would feel scared and anxious about the unknown.

[9:39] Drew feels excitement now alongside the unsettled feelings that are present. He’s been rediscovering himself and spending quality time with his friends.

[13:38] Drew felt appreciated when he helped a friend with an airport dropoff that wasn’t about getting something in return.

[16:54] Doug highlights the individuation happening as Drew feels more grown up and is able to take care of himself. Drew is still having a hard time with the adjustment to a new and different day-to-day routine after the breakup. Doug highlights how we miss a version of ourselves that was in the relationship.

[21:45] Doug helps Drew look at independence vs. codependence, as well as the concept of interdependence.

[27:33] Drew is feeling better about himself, but he still feels shy and has a hard time fitting in. Doug helps Drew flip it to thinking about who's going to fit in with me rather than who am I going to fit in.

[34:38] Drew recognizes the need for reciprocity in his relationships, not just the need to please people that allow him to give and give and give.

[37:42] Doug breaks down the Yoda line - there is no try, there is only do. It means that “trying” is actually doing.  

[0000] Session ends. Breakdown begins

[0:39] Meredith highlights the duality of emotions that Drew is feeling - both anxiety producing and exciting at the same time.

[2:06] Meredith reiterates that it will all be okay. Nothing stays “this way” forever, whatever “this way” might be. Doug recalls the definition of F.I.N.E. as Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. 

[3:45] Doug talks about grading ourselves in terms of Pass - Fail rather than measuring ourselves with a letter grade of A - F. Being ‘good enough’ is okay, especially during pandemic times.

[6:40] The idea of “selfish” is just focusing on yourself, and isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all. Being happy with and around others can be both selfish and selfless… it’s where your heart is, as Drew said in the session.

[8:55] People might be surprised to learn that some other people that seem outgoing are actually shy in certain situations, like MerMer! We project a certain image that we think people want to see - which is how most social media functions.

[12:25] Meredith talks about how we can be authentic in our awkwardness. And that, in and of itself, can be confidence - confidence in being your awkward, authentic self!

[16:09] The intimacy shared in a relationship never goes away, even if the relationship itself goes away.

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